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  “Do you think your mom knows?” He was rubbing my arm lightly. It helped ease my worries and confusion.

  “I’m not really sure. I don’t even know if I should tell her.” He softly caressed my cheek with his finger, brushing away all of the tears that I didn’t know were there. He had a look of sorrow and something else in his eyes. We were young and I never thought of Lucas in any way but a best friend, someone I could share my deepest thoughts with without judgments. It was our first intimate moment we’d shared. My heart was beating fast and his touch sent electric shocks throughout my body. It was a feeling I was unfamiliar with, yet I didn’t want it to end.

  “Do you need to go home?” I stood up and walked over to the sink. I stared at my reflection for a few minutes. I slammed my fist into the glass but it hit the wall instead. I guess I got lucky it didn’t shatter. Ouch. There was a shooting pain from my hand up to my shoulder. “Why? Why can’t I let it be?” Brooke, alarmed took a step toward me unsure how to react to my outburst. She reached out to touch my hand but I flinched and pulled back. “Abby listen, you need to take a deep breath. Maybe it’s not what you think. I doubt it’s serious. But talk to Lucas, let him tell you what’s going on.” I ran my hand in cold water. Damn that was painful.

  Walking the halls like a zombie, I weave in and out of the crowd to get to lunch. My stomach is not cooperating and the last thing I want to think about is food. I wash my face and reapply my makeup before going to class. Brooke stays with me the whole time. We are late but we get a note from the nurse after I get a bandage on my hand. It’s still sore but I suck it up and deal with it. I don’t tell the nurse exactly what happened, just that I had an accident and am pretty clumsy on a regular basis. I decide I am going to forget about Lucas and try to avoid him at all costs. He obviously doesn’t care enough about our friendship to not date my sister. I mean seriously, how screwed up is that! What a jerk! I guess our friendship meant shit to him. I keep telling myself he’s not worth the tears anymore or sadness that I feel in the pit of my stomach. I see Brooke sitting at a table with some other students I recognize.

  “Hey baby!” I turn around and find Brady smiling at me. My heart sinks because even though I tell myself that I don’t care about Lucas anymore, I can’t lie to myself. My heart knows all. I guess denying it is easier than feeling the pain. I plaster a smile on my face. Forget Lucas I chide myself. “Hey, you scared me.” I wrap my arms around his waist, clasping my fingers together. This is nice, I think. “Let’s get some lunch.” He starts pulling me toward the lunch line. “Oh, no I’m not hungry. I’m just gonna go sit with Brooke. Just meet us over there.”

  “Are you okay? How can you not be hungry?” Brady asks, concerned. I didn’t want to have to explain my crisis with him and the fact that it has to do with my ex boyfriend and my sister. So I felt it was best to dodge the subject. I start walking away at the same time he pulls my arm back toward him. “Hey, I heard about Lucas and Sarah. What the Hell is that about?” Great. The one topic I didn’t want to discuss happens to be the center of attention. I swear it seems everyone can read my mind and uses it against me. I shrug and look at him. “Um, it’s pretty weird I guess. But whatever, it’s Sarah’s life.” Please let it go now

  He considers for a moment. “Well but it’s your ex and your sister. Isn’t that awkward?” Oh for the love of God. My blood starts boiling and rage builds up inside me. I try to compose myself before I lash out at him and then have to explain my outburst is due to unresolved feelings for my ex and my anger with my sister. “Look, I don’t want to talk about them. I’m going to sit with Brooke now.” And I storm off leaving Brady staring after me.

  “What was that about? I saw you yelling at Brady.” I give her a quick glare before sitting down at the table across from Brooke. “I didn’t yell at him. I wanted to believe me.” She gives me a confused look and I clarify myself.

  “He was asking questions about Sarah and Lucas and they were the last people I wanted to talk about.” Speaking of, they walk into the cafeteria holding hands and laughing. I quickly avert my eyes back to Brooke like I didn’t see them.

  “So what are you going to do? Ugh, I can’t believe Sarah would do that to you!” She notices my agitation and changes the subject. “So, this weekend is a big party going on at Eric Peterson’s house. You game? You need some fun in your life. Forget Sarah and Lucas. Just have some fun. What do ya say?” I think about how much fun I wouldn’t have sitting around at home, while everyone is at this party having a great time and my mind is made up. “I’m in.”

  “Awesome! It will be great Abby! I promise.” She smiles at me and finally my anger and rage dissipates. Maybe this will be a good thing. Brady joins us with a tray full of food and suddenly my stomach starts gargling. I should have gotten some food myself. Brady leans over to me and says “Hey, I got enough food in case you got hungry just sitting here.”

  Wow, he is thoughtful. I start to feel guilty for not giving him my all the past few days and obsessing over Lucas and Sarah. Maybe they deserve each other after all. They’re both inconsiderate brats. I lean over and give Brady a peck on the cheek shyly before taking a bite of his salad and an apple. He looks over and smiles at me, showing his perfectly straight white teeth. Things don’t seem too bad. I glance at Brooke and she’s staring at me with an arched brow. I know she must be thinking I’m crazy, going back and forth. I am crazy. But it won’t happen anymore. It’s me and Brady for the long hall.

  “Hey, Abby.” Brady shakes me out of my own thoughts and I look at him, spaced out. “What did you say?” He shakes his head and starts eating again.

  “He was asking about the party I told him about. So, you said you wanted to go. I think you and Abby should pick me up and we can ride together.” I am totally on board with getting some alcohol in my system. I can taste the beer or tequila on my tongue. Damn, it’s only Tuesday. “Yes, that would be a great idea. Right Brady?” I nudge his shoulder with my own and he nudges me back. “Sounds like a plan ladies.” I look away and out of the corner of my eye I see Lucas and Sarah sitting on a bench. My anger comes back, mixed with jealousy. What does he see in her anyway? I guess he likes them young. The party this weekend sounds better and better. Maybe I can drown my sorrows.

  Shortly after the bell rings we gather our stuff and head to our next class. I walk to my locker and grab my materials for Choir. “Hey, I will see you after class. I’ve got to head to football practice now. Love you.” He kisses me on the head and leaves. “Okay, see ya later.” I say, even though he’s already gone.

  “So how’s it going sis?” My skin goes cold and I whip around to look at my sister. She is staring me down with a cocky grin, which I just want to slap right off her face. “What do you want Sarah? You want to rub it in my face that you won over Lucas just to piss me off? Well, congratulations! I hope you two are happy!”

  And I storm off, but not before she catches up. I stop in my tracks and cross my arms over my chest. “Actually, I wasn’t doing it just to piss you off. But since you seem to be pissed off, I see that I’ve won. See, maybe Lucas is over you but it seems to me you might still have some lingering feelings for him. Does Brady know? I’m sure he’d love to hear that information.”

  I put my arms on my hips and glare at her. “Excuse me, but I don’t have feelings for Lucas so you can shove your assumptions up your ass. You know, you really should go to a private school. Your attitude needs an adjustment. Big time.” I walk away and this time she doesn’t follow me. I can feel the rage screaming to get out of me. Why does she get to me so much? Why does she hate me? I have always tried to be a good sister to her and this is how she repays me. I’d rather be the bad one. Doesn’t pay to be nice.

  Chapter 5

  Instead of participating in Choir last period, I decide to skip and sit outside on the football field, watching Brady’s football practice. I walk back to my locker and drop off my stuff, leaving my back pack in there knowing we will come back after school. I
feel a tap on my shoulder and before I can yell at my sister for bothering me, I turn around and see Lucas standing in front of me. For a minute I’m frozen, unsure what to say to him. Then I relax and give him a cold stare. “What do you want?” He notices the hostility in my tone and winces.

  “Hey, I haven’t had a chance to talk to you today. I wanted to explain things before you got the wrong idea.” I put my hand up, stopping his speech. I didn’t want or need to hear his excuses. He wasn’t the guy I thought he was, point blank.

  “Save it Luke. There’s nothing to explain. You’re not who I thought you were and you proved that to me. Just go on and do your thing and leave me alone.” I start walking away.

  “Hey, wait. I…”

  “Seriously, Lucas save your breath. I don’t want to hear it.” I leave and don’t look back, even though I desperately want to. I walk out to the football field and sit in the stadium. I watch the passes and throws from the players. I spot Brady and watch his plays, noticing how agile and graceful he is. He could go pro, if he wanted. I start to stare off into space and notice someone coming toward me. Then as they get closer I see Brooke. I sigh from relief that it’s not Sarah. I wouldn’t doubt that she would skip school just to torture me. “Hey, thought I’d find you here.” Brooke sits down next to me and stretches her legs in front of her.

  “Yeah? Why were you looking for me?” I ask stretching my body as well.

  “Oh, I had a weird feeling that you skipped class today. I figured something was bothering you since you normally don’t skip on your own accord.” I give a slight chuckle knowing she’s right. She knows me so well.

  “Well, spill it.”

  “Okay, I ran into Sarah and she pretty much shoved her relationship with Lucas in my face and said I still had feelings for him and pretty much laughed at me. Then on the way over here, I ran into Lucas and he wanted to explain the situation and whatever. I pretty much told him to go screw himself. But now I feel guilty for doing that. Even though I told myself I would move on and forget him, I can’t Brooke. I just can’t.” I feel tears start to sting my eyes and I wipe them away with my arm. She rubs my arm sweetly and says “Wow, sounds like a misfortune of events if you ask me. I’m sorry Abby. I know this is all hard on you. I wish I knew how to comfort you. But in a few days we’ll go out and party and you can focus on having a good time and everything else will fall away.”

  “I hope so. I really want some alcohol now.” I stare out at the field and see Brady getting a drink of water. He sees me and waves. I smile.

  “Hey, if you need to stay over again you’re more than welcome to.” I consider it for a minute. I actually consider asking if I can move in with her until we graduate. Then I wouldn’t have to deal with my sister’s bull shit. But I think about my mom and decide against it. As much as I’d love to be out of that house now, I know it’s best to stick it out, for my mother’s sake anyway.

  “Thanks Brooke, but I think I will go home tonight. I can drive you home after school though.” She nods smiling and looks away. The final bell rings for the last class and we both jump. Then we laugh at how paranoid we are and stand to retreat into the school. Brady runs off the field and catches up to me. “Did you see me practicing? I didn’t know you were gonna skip class to watch me babe. What did you think?”

  He wraps his arms around me in a hug and I snuggle his neck. “Well I didn’t plan on doing that actually. It was a spur of the moment type of thing. But I thought it would be nice to watch my boyfriend run around the football field like a pro. You know, you really should play football in college. You’re so quick and you look sexy doing it.” I smile and he kisses my mouth with such force, it leaves me breathless. He pulls back and looks at me. “Actually I have some news. I talked to my coach and he thinks I could get into a good college on a football scholarship. Isn’t that awesome?” I smile but it fades as soon as I think about the options he could have. Would it separate us? What would become of our future? I still have no clue if I’m going to New York or not yet. I don’t discuss it with him though. I just let him have his happy moment before I break my news to him. I slap on my happy face and hug him.

  “That’s so awesome! You know you’re going to get into one with no problem. So which one are you planning on applying to?” Maybe if he goes to a school in New York or at least in any of the surrounding states, it wouldn’t be so bad. “I don’t know yet. I haven’t made up my mind. But I guess we’ll see soon enough.” We walk back to our lockers to get our stuff. I start to wonder if I’m supposed to take Sarah home. Then I quickly dismiss the thought. She can find her own ride home. I walk over to Brooke’s locker across the hall from me. Brady meets us there and puts his around over my shoulder. She turns around to look at me. “Hey, are you taking your sister home?”

  “Nope, she can find a ride home.” We walk to the parking lot. Brady finds his truck. We say our goodbyes and walk to my car. I get a text on my phone. I open it as I get in the driver’s seat and see it’s from Brady. A smile creeps on my lips, replaced by guilt.

  “I love you. Call you later.”

  I close my phone and the put the keys in the ignition and start it up, pulling out of the parking lot. “So now that we’re alone, what do you think of Brady applying at schools on a football scholarship?” Brooke asks as soon as we’re on the highway. “I think it would be great for him. He is really good and I think college would be the way to go.” I stare out at the road, hearing Brooke move around antsy.

  “What if he gets into a school far from you?” The words settle in my brain and I can’t help but ask myself the same question. Maybe this will be a test to see where our relationship will go. But it’s not Brady I’m thinking of anymore. Suddenly my thoughts are clouded with Lucas’s face and I shove them away. “I don’t know to be honest. I mean, I’m not sure what I’m gonna do yet. So our future together is still uncertain at this point. It could go either way.” I glance in her direction and see her giving me a smirk. “You’re thinking about Lucas aren’t you?” This girl doesn’t miss a thing. I seriously wonder if she’s psychic or if I’m that obvious.

  “Yea, I’m not going to lie, he’s constantly on my mind. Maybe I should have given him a chance to explain things.” She’s shaking her head and says “No, maybe you should forget him for now. You’ve got to figure things out with Brady first. If he goes to a faraway school or something and y’all break up, maybe then you should patch things up or talk to him. You don’t want to go down that road again. At least not yet.” I can’t tell if she’s serious or just trying to look out for me. But either way, I appreciate her love and protectiveness. I pull up in front of her house and put the car in park. “Well, if you need anything don’t hesitate. Just come on over. I love you Abby! I want things to work out for you, no matter what that might be. I’m here regardless and will support anything you do or don’t do.” I hug her tight.

  “Thanks Brooke. Did I ever tell you, you’re the best friend anyone could ever have? Cause you are. I love you. Thanks for everything.” She smiles and gets out of the car, shutting the door and waves.

  I get home and Sarah is still not here. I can imagine where she’d be, with Lucas probably. I go upstairs and put my backpack on the floor then lay down on my bed. I close my eyes and hear a knock at the door. I sit up and see my mom walking in. “Hey sweetheart. I wasn’t sure if you were going to come back yet.” She sits next to me on the bed, looking distraught. I hate seeing her in pain, especially knowing I caused it. Or at least part of it. “I’m sorry mom; I shouldn’t have walked out like that. I just. Sarah is really acting out these days and it’s affecting me too. Um, well the truth is I’m angry with her.”

  She nods her head and looks away. “I got that much. And I’m sorry she’s not behaving. I wish I knew what to do. I’m on the verge of sending her away.” Of course that sounds like an ideal plan but really, would I be happy if she was sent to some private boarding school all because she was going through some normal teenage angst
ridden drama? I’m still mad at her for taking my best friend from me and not because I still love him, I don’t think. We’ve been friends since we were little and he was always there for me and now it seems I’m out of the picture. If I could just go back and change my feelings for him, I would. I’d rather have him as my best friend again than not have him in my life at all.

  “Honey, what’s going on?” She lifts my chin and tears sting my eyes. I look at her and tell her the truth. “Mom, I still love Lucas. I tried not to. But I can’t deny it. And now he’s with Sarah. He’s with Sarah now mom. I don’t know how serious it is, I mean they only started dating. But I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut. She’s such a bitch and she hurts every guy she dates. He is the one guy I don’t want her hurting.” My mom is speechless. She keeps making gestures or little sounds like she wants to say something. But I know she’s at a loss for words, kind of like I was. “Are you sure? That’s insane.” At first I’m not sure if she means the fact that I’m still in love with my ex while I’m dating someone else. Or if she means that Sarah being with him is insane.

  “What’s insane?” She reaches out and grabs my hand. Her eyes are filled with sympathy and love.

  “I mean the fact that Lucas would date your younger sister. That’s what’s insane. And that Sarah would date your ex. It’s all very twisted. I don’t think you having lingering feelings for him is insane at all. You were both so close for so long. I figured it would happen sooner or later. But what are you going to do?”