Back to You Read online

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  Back To You

  By Annie Brewer

  "In a perfect world, when he's with her, he would be wishing he was with me; when he looked at her, he would be looking at me; when he smiled at her, his smile would be for me; when he thought about someone, he would be thinking about me. In a perfect world, he would realize that she wasn't the one he was supposed to be with and I would still be standing here waiting for him still when he finally knows this. But this isn't a perfect world and people do get hurt, you smile when you feel like crying, you act like you're okay when you're falling apart inside and you let it go. You move on, because there's nothing else you can do." Unknown

  Chapter 1

  Sitting on my bed, Brady sat next to me playing Xbox; I knew this was a bad investment. He hardly ever pays attention to me, almost like I don’t exist while he sits there blowing shit up. Sigh. I start chewing my bottom lip, looking at the ceiling bored.

  “Stop that Abby.” He says without looking at me.

  “Stop what?” I ask him even though I know exactly what he means. He doesn’t have to look at me to know that I’m annoyed. He just knows.

  I’m sure it has to do with the noises I make that I’m not aware of which gives away my annoyance. He’s learned over the years how to read me like a book. He knows everything about me. We’ve been together since the end of our freshman year. A choir geek and a football player. Yeah, totally weird mix. But hey it works for us.

  “I know you’re annoyed that I’m playing games instead of hanging out with you.” I don’t deny or confirm but he knows the answer so he continues.

  “Let me have some game time, and then you will have my full undivided attention. I promise.” Yeah right. I get up and make my way to the door, stopping midway to look at him. He’s still engrossed in his game. But then he pauses it and looks at me, “I promise.” Whatever, I’m outta here.

  I make my way into the kitchen where my sister Sarah is sitting at the table eating cereal, honey nut cheerios to be exact. It makes me hungry.

  “Hey Abs.” she greets me with a smile on her beautiful angelic face.

  “Hey you.” I kiss her on the head and sit down next to her. She’s 15 but acts older, a lot older.

  “So, Brady ignoring you again?” Pretty much.

  “He just wants to play some Xbox for a little bit.” I walk over to the fridge and take out a yogurt, remembering how hungry I am.

  “You know, you deserve better Abby. Brady is such a douche bag. He doesn’t care about you like you think he does.” I stare at my sister in shock. She’s never voiced her opinion about him before. And she’s certainly never said the word “douche” either. At least not in front of me.

  “Wow, Sarah that’s subtle.” She turns her whole body toward me and takes me hands in hers. I’m officially taken aback by this sudden need to protect me. She’s never played the protective sister role before. That’s my job.

  “Abby, I’m serious. You have a dream and as long as you stay with him, you’ll never accomplish it. Brady is like poison. Get rid of him, or you will never be fully happy in life.” In a way, she’s right, being with him is like quicksand and if I don’t get out now, I never will. But still, I can’t just dump him. We’ve been together too long. I do love him. I’ve never thought about what the future could hold for us or me. I’m not even sure he knows what he wants to do. Brady hasn’t really supported me on my singing dream or even a dream of moving away and exploring other options. He thinks singing is lame and that I would end up a druggie and drunk like the rest of the musicians and singers that make it big. I’m not like the others though. But what if he’s right? What if it does happen to me? Maybe it’s something they can’t control, like when they step into stardom and feel the pressures of being the best or something. I know I dream just about every night of being on that stage, millions of people cheering me on and it feels so empowering. I can deal with pressures. I push all negative thoughts aside; it’s too much to think about right now.

  “Hey, what are you two gossiping about?” Brady’s voice cuts through my jumbled thoughts.

  “Well, well I guess you finally got bored of playing Xbox long enough to play with my sister eh?” I stiffen at that response. Wow, it seems she really does despise Brady. He just stares at her in shock.

  “Anyway, we were just gossiping about the usual, you know…who’s dating who. Who’s dumping who?” Sarah eyes me as she says the last part as a hint. I get it.

  “So you ready Abs?” I give him a puzzled look. Ready? For what I wonder.

  “Uh, I guess. Where are we going?”

  “Oh I thought I’d take you to get some food.”

  “I ate a yogurt.”

  “Okay, then how about we go to my house?” I’m only half listening because my mind is elsewhere. We have things to discuss.

  “We need to talk. Let’s go to the park or something.” I say grabbing my light sweater off the chair. Sarah is looking at me curiously. She’s probably wondering if I’m going break up with him. I’m wondering the same thing to be honest. I kiss her on the cheek.

  “If I’m not back before mom gets home, tell her I’ll be home for dinner.” Then I walk out to my car with Brady on my heels.

  “Why does your sister always look at me like she hates me?” Brady asks as we get into the car.

  “If you must know, it’s because she does.” I reply. I may as well be straight with him. I’m not the sugar coating beat around the bush type of girl. And that’s what Brady loves about me. I’m just not sure he’ll feel the same after he hears what I have to say. I’m suddenly feeling very nervous. I love Brady and don’t want to end things. But I also don’t want to be in a dead end type relationship where he is the dictator of my life. I control my life. We get to our destination and I park the car. I turn to look at him, his eyes everywhere but mine.

  “So what’s this about Abby?” He asks hesitantly.

  “Look at me Brady.” He does and just as I’m about to speak he reaches over and grabs my face in his hands, kissing me with full force. It’s a forceful but sloppy kiss. It doesn’t taste too good, yet it still screams hungry and desperate. I try to pull back but his grasp is tight. I part my lips just the slightest and in goes his tongue feeling around for mine. Finally I relax and go with it. The talk can wait. We get more into it; I hear moaning noises and open my eyes. He is definitely enjoying it more than I am. His hand creeps up my thigh exposing my bare skin. He reaches under my dress and caresses my stomach. It feels so good; I don’t want him to stop. My hands explore his chest and further south. What am I doing? I need to stop this before it goes too far. But my mind is not working properly. Damn. I came here to talk about our future, not have sex in my car in the parking lot of a child’s sanctuary. His hands move farther north now. Shit! What was I supposed to do again? I chastise myself for being so weak. He slips his hand into the front of my panties. Whoa, okay no more.

  “Stop.” I push his hands away and try to catch my ragged breathing. He sits up and puts his hands in his lap.

  “Look I came here to talk to you.” My adrenaline is pumping. I take a deep breath and start.

  “Okay, I need to know something, the truth actually.” He nods for me to continue. He is still trying to catch his breath. I smile at the thought of leaving him breathless. Then I turn serious again.

  “You know I love you Brady. But I need to know, do you love me enough to support anything I want to do in life?” I am suddenly afraid of his answer and look down at my poor manicure job, afraid to meet his gaze.

  “Of course. Whatever you want to do, I will back you one hundred percent. I love you Abs.” I look up and meet his eyes. His brown eyes bore into my blue ones. A smile lights my eyes.

  “Really? Eve
n if I want to sing? Or do something that you find lame?”

  “Look, if you want to sing I will support it. I still think its lame but I will support it if it makes you happy.” I am overjoyed by his response and wrap my arms around him in an embrace. Maybe Sarah was wrong about him after all, she is pretty judgmental.

  “So, do we get to do it now?” He asks me. I slap his shoulder in an affectionate manner and open the car door. I feel like swinging.

  “Where are you going?” He asks running after me. I run faster but not for long. He outruns me, but of course he’s a player at that. He tries to catch me but I psyche him out and run the opposite direction to throw him off. Eventually he grabs me and we both fall to the ground laughing, dirt all over our clothes and in our hair. Being with him just feels right.

  I get back just before dinner after driving Brady home. It smells delicious the minute I open the front door. I walk into the kitchen and find my mother is setting the table.

  “Well hello darling. Glad you could join us. Is Brady eating dinner with us?” My mother asks with a hint of hope in her eyes. She’s always liked Brady. I believe it’s due to a commonality they both share, in that, she also thinks my dream of singing is a bit ridiculous. I think it has to do with my aunt being in the show biz for years and she was into drugs and went down a dark road. She too is worried I will head down a similar path. She believes she sees more for my future.

  “No. I dropped him off at home to eat dinner with his family.” A flicker of disappointment flashes across her face. I ignore it and help her set the table.

  “Oh thank God butt face, I mean Brady is gone.” Sarah strolls into the kitchen.

  “Excuse me, that’s enough Sarah. No need to be so rude. He is your sister’s boyfriend.” My mother comes to my defense even though I wasn’t offended. I know Sarah doesn’t like him. I feel like I was stuck in the middle.

  We sit down to eat Chicken Alfredo, Caesar salad and garlic bread. My stomach growls loudly and I cover it up with a loud cough. It is obvious but no one says anything. Feeling relieved, I dig in.

  “So how was school Sarah? Getting into trouble still or have you learned your lesson?” My mother asks Sarah out of curiosity. She does get into trouble a lot being that she is so opinionated and not afraid to speak her mind.

  “Mr. Shelby was a dick today. He sent me to the office because I was caught passing notes to Haley. It’s so stupid. We weren’t really doing anything wrong.” Sarah replies nonchalantly, as if getting sent to the office is a normal everyday occurrence. For her it pretty much is. My mother gives her a look of disgust.

  “Sarah Ann, this has got to stop. Why can’t you behave for once? If you don’t straighten up, I will send you to a private school. I can’t deal with this anymore.” She is angry now, but I also see a flicker of sadness in her eyes. I could see dinner taking a very bad direction. I really do want to get away from here. Maybe a college out of state would be good for me.

  Ever since my father left, my home front has been a nightmare. I give Sarah a death glare. She challenges me with one of her own. Neither of us willing to back down, I break away first.

  “I’ve lost my appetite. I’m going upstairs to do my homework Excuse me.” I get up to rinse off my dishes and head up to my room. I slam the door behind me and lie on my bed.

  Beep Beep Beep

  My phone still in my backpack on the floor starts going off. I go to retrieve it and open it anticipating a text from Brady.

  “Hey sweet cheeks, wanna come over for a movie and popcorn?” It’s not Brady, but my best friend since middle school Brooke.

  “Nah, I can’t. Family issues. Ugh. Sorry, maybe later this week.” I text her back, just wanting to be left alone.

  “Oh I’m sorry girl. Sure we will plan something. See ya tomorrow.” I read her last text and close my phone. I lie on my back closing my eyes for a second before a knock on my door startles me.

  “Abby?” Sarah’s voice calls me, and then her body emerges standing over my bed.

  “Abby?” She calls again. I grow slightly annoyed my sister doesn’t know when to shut her mouth or leave me alone.

  “What do you want?” I ask not even bothering to mask my hostility in my tone.

  “I thought you were doing your homework.” I said I had homework to do, but it was only an excuse to get away from the fighting. It seems we can never have a peaceful meal without bickering and I’m tired of it. I am tired of Sarah lashing out at school; I am tired of my mother threatening to send her to a private school; and tired of being in the middle of every argument.

  “I’m tired and want to sleep. What are you doing?” I ask as Sarah starts going through my closet.

  “I need to borrow a cute outfit. I want Lucas to notice me tomorrow. I wanna show him I’m all legs. Where is that-“

  “That’s it.” I jump off the bed and stalk over to her and get in her face.

  “Right now boys are the last thing you need to worry about. First of all, you’re 15 and secondly, Lucas is not interested in you like that.” I spit words out with no care of hurting her feelings. Lucas is my other best friend, we dated but it didn’t work out. I love him more as friend. But Sarah uses guys and plays with their emotions. He is the one I don’t want her hurting.

  “Why? Because you still love him? Get over yourself Abby. You’ve moved on to Dickweed remember? You had your chance. It’s someone else’s turn.” I fume at her retort. How dare she treat this like a damn game!

  “Leave Brady out of this. And if you can’t say his actual name, keep your mouth shut. And for the record, I do love Lucas just not in that way. He is still my best friend and I don’t want you screwing him over. So stay away from him!”

  “What in Sam Hell is going on in here girls?” My mother stands in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest. She has a mixture of amusement and hostility in her stance. I am done with this.

  “I’m going to Brooke’s for the night.” I grab my backpack and clothes for tomorrow and saunter out to my car.

  “Abby wait. Please talk to me.” My mother walks out and stands on the porch with a pleading look in her eyes. I hate leaving angry but I can’t stay another minute. I get in the car and take off.

  Chapter 2

  “So, let me get this straight, you almost had sex with Brady in your car?” Brooke asks me as I am popping popcorn in her kitchen. “Can we please focus on the real problem here?” Of course after I tell Brooke everything that’s happened today, the one thing she focuses on is the one thing I’d like to avoid most of all. Okay so I almost had sex with my boyfriend. Who hasn’t? I’ve got bigger problems to deal with, like a sister that does nothing but cause trouble and a mother who threatens so often I feel like I’m living some other life. It wasn’t always like this. At least not before my father walked out on us after having an affair with his client. He’s a lawyer, whoop di-fucking-do. He’s still an asshole. He asked me to come live with him before he moved out. I just couldn’t live with a man who would spout out vows in front of God and then throw them away like a piece of trash. Doesn’t anyone believe in the sanctity of marriage anymore? Guess not.

  “Well Abby, this is a big deal. I mean huge.” Right because losing your virginity to your boyfriend of 2 years is different than losing your virginity at 15. Makes sense. Not. She stops in her tracks and turns to me in seriousness. I avoid eye contact, it doesn’t work. She grabs my arms and turns me toward her leaving me no choice but to look at her.

  “Look Brooke, it isn’t a big deal. I stopped it, it’s over. Can we please leave it alone and watch our movie now?” I turn away from her. Truth is, I don’t feel like watching a movie. But I promised her we’d watch one weeks ago, but never did. At this point, I’d rather watch a movie than hear her continuously questioning my sex life.

  “Do you love him Abby? Like really love him? Is that why you can’t go through with it?” Is she fucking kidding me? Does she love every guy she sleeps with? I think right now is Luke Hall. Hell I
can’t keep up with her these days. I think about her question for a minute. I do love him but is it enough to give up my dreams, or my innocence for? Now I’m confused.

  “I do love him. I’m just not ready yet to give myself to him completely. Is there something wrong with that?” I ask suddenly feeling like a piece of shit. Why can’t I just do it already? I am probably the only senior who is still a virgin.

  “No sweetheart, there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m just surprised he hasn’t strayed. Most guys would have by now. He must really care for you.” I think about her words and realize she’s right. Most guys in high school are all about sex. It’s in their DNA. So why isn’t Brady? This thought concerns me and kind of offends me.

  “Do you think he’s ever cheated on me?” I ask sitting on her couch in her bedroom, remote in hand, ready to start our movie. I am starting to rethink our choice in The Notebook since it’s kind of depressing, even though it’s the best romantic movie ever made.

  “Honestly? I don’t think so. But I’m not a hundred percent sure. I’m not his watcher. But I would hope that he hasn’t.”

  “Okay well do you think I’m an idiot for wanting to be a singer?” She looks at me with warmth and love in her eyes. We didn’t used to be so close. In fact, we started as enemies.

  It was our 9th grade year. We were sitting in History, which we both hated. “So, I heard rumors going around that you’re dating Abby. Is it true?” Brooke asked Lucas. He was my best friend but at that time we were dating. “Actually we are.” He replied. She winced, jealousy showed on her features. “Well, I am having a party tonight at my house. You should come. And bring Abby I guess.” He gave her a wicked grin and nodded his head. “We’ll be there. Thanks.” After the bell rang, he met me at my locker. “What was that all about?” I asked him, not hiding my hostility. “Relax. She was just inviting us to a party at her house.” Uh, like I’m going to fall for that. “Um, you know a party is a great way to try something, you know and get you to sleep with her. I am not falling for that.” He kissed my cheek. “Come on, it will be fun. We need fun in our life.” I did need fun in my life. My father had just left us for a client he screwed around with. My sister started rebelling. Life had become a nightmare. “Fine.” I give in reluctantly. “I’ll go, but she better not try anything or I swear, I’ll hang her by her toes and you won’t be far behind.” He smiles and kisses me. “You rock babe. Pick you up at 7.” And he takes off.