Back to You Page 11

  “So.” I say slowly, biting my lip as he lifts my chin with his finger, meeting his eyes. I’m transfixed. He grins at me and says “So.” as he tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. My breath catches in my throat and I back up slightly until I’m against his car. He leans in and our mouths meet each other, ready, willing. He kisses me softly and I moan against his mouth, wrapping my arms around his neck. He places both of his hands on my face and starts kissing me with more urgency. Then I move my head back against the window and he grazes my neck with his lips and slowly brings his tongue across my throat. My hands go limp at my sides. He runs his hands over my shoulders and around my front. I then throw myself at him; wrapping my legs around his waist and kissing him like my heart is about to burst and my stomach explode with such passion and force.

  The next thing I know Lucas and I are stabling over each other, as we make our way into the bathroom. Clinging to each other as we kiss and laugh at the same time. We find ourselves, tripping over the edge of the tub. We are slowly peeling off our dripping, wet clothes off of each other. He reaches to turn on the faucet, his lips never leaving mine. I pull his shirt up over his head and gently caress my hands over his tanned, toned chest. It dawns on me that we’ve never seen each other naked, at least not when it really mattered. My heart starts beating fast. He grabs a hand towel and squeezes body wash on it. At first I think he’s going to start washing his own body until the towel meets my skin. He softly massages my chest, delicately working his way around my breasts. I shudder and the feel of his touch, all soapy and sensual. “Turn around.” He whispers hoarsely, and I oblige him. He slowly scrubs the rest of my body, which was plastered by all the mud. It feels so good, and a moan escapes my lips. He moves in a slower circular motion.

  “Your skin is incredible, so soft and smooth.” I look over my shoulder at him and smile. “Thanks.” I just want to melt into him.

  “My turn.” I take the towel from him and add more body wash, and begin to explore his well toned body, from front to back. I notice a few marks on his lower back and gently run my finger over it. He flinches.

  “What’s that?” I ask as he turns around.

  “Nothing, part of my past.” He turns back around and I continue to caress the cloth around the marks. Something seems off about these marks, and I can’t help but feel sad. There is something he is not telling me and this bothers me.

  “Lucas, what happened?”

  “Abby, it’s nothing really. I hurt myself some time ago. But it doesn’t hurt anymore and I’m fine. Can we drop it?”

  “Sure, sorry.”

  After we are done cleansing each other, we step out of the shower and he grabs a towel to wrap around me. He wraps one around his waist and we walk into his bedroom. I lay on his bed exhausted. He paces back and forth and I wonder why he’s so nervous. He stops in front of his bed and leans over me, his hands on each side of my hips.

  “I’m sorry for snapping at you Abby. It’s just that, well that cut you saw on my back. My father cut me during one of his drunken stupors right before my mom kicked him out.” My eyes widen in shock. I knew his dad was an alcoholic but I had no idea he would ever hurt him. He kneels in front of me so we are face to face. I wrap my arms around his neck. I feel the sudden need to protect him. “I’m so sorry Lucas. Why didn’t you ever tell me?” He looks shameful.

  “I’m sorry; I guess I just didn’t want anyone to know. It’s not like it’s something I was proud of. We knew what an asshole he was but it was always the alcohol. That’s what made my mom pull the plug. I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time.” He gives a faraway look and my heart hurts for him.

  My father may have cheated on my mom and left Sarah and me for another family but he never once laid a hand on us. Even if it was an accident. I’m just happy his mom found a man that treats them right. If I ever saw that jackass again I may not be able to control my anger towards him. We lie on the bed side by side holding each other. He leans over my shoulder and kisses my neck. I run my hands through his damp hair. The heat radiating off of us is palpable. Then I find myself being flipped on my back. Lucas, edging his way over my body and hovers just above me, leans down on his elbows. He begins by gently kissing my ear, then working his way down my throat, just stopping at my chest. He lifts himself back up to find lips and stops, looking at me with his searching eyes. I suddenly know what he’s looking for. He’s looking for permission to continue. This is it! This is it!

  I nod my head, YES. “Are you sure?” I smile, and he gets up to retrieve a condom from his sock drawer and gently sits back down beside me. His eyes are a deep green, and full of so much compassion and love.

  “Are you sure Abby? We don’t have to.” He asks one last time in a whisper. I lift myself up, so I am sitting near him, grab his face in my hands and kiss him deeply, reassuringly.

  “I’m sure.”

  Chapter 16

  “Abby, wake up!!” I hear Lucas’s voice. My eyes flutter open and I roll over onto my back, feeling a little stiff and sore. The events from the night before come rushing back to me and I smile. Lucas sits down next to me and places his hand on my arm.

  “Good morning beautiful.” He smiles. I remember the shower we took together. I remember the scar I never knew he had and the reason it’s there in the first place. My heart aches a little for him. I remember lying on his bed afterwards. And I also remember the sex. Oh the sex. I lost my virginity. I actually did it and it was so wonderful!! Lucas lifts his hand to my face and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear, a twinkle in his eyes.

  “Hey. You know everyone is going to suspect something right? I can’t keep a good secret like this to myself.” He thinks about it for a minute and says. “You can tell me about it, just pretend I’m one of them, until you decide to tell. It could work. Oh, pretend I’m Brooke. I can talk like a chick.” I laugh at his silliness. He kisses my forehead.

  “Well, I can try but the thought of you being Brooke is too funny, and I’d have a hard time keeping a straight face.” He laughs and lightly runs his fingertips over my bare arm causing me to shudder from the electrical heat passing through my body. I close my eyes for a minute.

  “What time is it anyway?”

  “Nine.” I stretch my body, my arms over my head.

  “How do you feel?”

  “Like the happiest girl in the world.” I smile, because I am the happiest girl in the world.

  “Well, I’m glad but I was asking if you’re, you know, sore.”

  “Yeah, a little. I’ll be fine though.” He hovers above me teasing me with his sexy eyes. I stare at his mouth, wanting it on my body. The images of last night, yet again, reminding me of how blissful I am come back to me.

  “You were incredible.” He kisses my eyebrow, then my nose and finally my lips. My brain shuts off and I can’t think straight. I remember the gentleness of his body against mine. He was patient and tender and gentle. It was sensual and glorious. I had never felt so close to him. It was my first time, and it was perfect. Our bodies meshed well together, like they were made for each other. A perfect fit.

  “Well, you were amazing as well. It was perfect. My first time was perfect Lucas. Thank you.” And then, I knew at that moment that there was a reason as to why I never went all the way with Brady. Something was stopping me. I wasn’t supposed to have my first time with him. It was always meant to be with Lucas. I sit up and pull my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms across my legs and stare into his eyes.

  “I love you Lucas. I’ve waited for last night to happen for so long. I always thought something was wrong with me, why I never had sex with Brady. Why I always stopped it before it got too far. But now I know, I understand. You’ve always had my heart, my soul and now you have all of me too. I want us to be together, no matter where our futures take us. I want you, always.” He smiles so wide, and it melts my heart. There are tears in my eyes, which are fighting to be released. I blink them back and look away, so he doesn’t see. I think
about what I’ve done and suddenly a wave of guilt crashes over me, suffocating me. I’ve betrayed Brady and lied to everyone.

  “Abby, what are you thinking? What’s wrong?” Concern fills his voice.

  “Do you regret anything? Us?” I whip my head around and look at him.

  “Regret us? No, never.” I look away for a brief second then back at him.

  “I just feel guilty. I’ve actually cheated on Brady. Cheated like in the literal sense. Cheated the way my father did to my mother. Not that making out and feeling each other up isn’t cheating. I just wish I’d told everyone the truth about us instead of hiding it. I should be happy. I should be able to shout out to the world how happy you make me and how much you mean to me. But more importantly, that I finally gave myself the chance to love and be loved, like the way we deserve. I can’t even tell my best friend about it without being condemned. What am I going to do Lucas?” He runs his long slender finger over my jaw line, and this sends shivers down my spine. It’s amazing how one touch from Lucas affects me so much. I never felt that way with Brady. It’s sad and I feel horrible. He is a great guy, he’s just not who I’ve always wanted. I rest my chin on my knees.

  “It will be okay Abby. We will figure something out. I will back off until you decide to tell everyone about us, if that’s what you want. I will wait for you, whatever it takes.” He has a sad look on his face and it breaks my heart. Do I want that? Can I go back to just being his friend? Seeing him in the halls at school and not touching him or holding his hand or kissing him? That would be torture. I just don’t know. My heart is heavy, and filled with so much emotion. I’m totally confused. He loves me enough to let me go until I’m ready. I need to set things right. I need to tell everyone the truth. I can’t lie anymore. Lying about Lucas is like denying my love for him. I couldn’t do that to him. I look at him and bite my lower lip. I grasp his hand in mine.

  “I love you. No matter what happens, I will come back to you. I need to set things straight so we can be together the right way.” He nods his head in understanding and my heart sinks. He takes my face in his hands and kisses me softly. I close my eyes as tears escape down my cheeks, kissing him back with all I have.

  “Hey, don’t cry. I will be here when you’re ready. I promise.” He wipes my tears away and I wrap my arms around him in a hug.

  He walks me out to my car. I turn around and smile.

  “Thanks for everything.” I get in and shut my door. He walks up to my window and reaches in touching my cheek lightly. His expression is unreadable, like he’s trying to hide his pain. Why are we so sad? We’re gonna be together in the end. I just know it. I hate to leave him though.

  I kiss him briefly before I drive off. I wave to him and leave, a tear sliding down my cheek. I hastily wipe it away before the rest flow like a stream. Shit! I think to myself, forgetting about my cell phone. I fish for it in my bag with one hand on the steering wheel. As I find it, I pull it out and look at the screen. Dead. Of course I should have figured that out since I didn’t charge it. I silently pray no one called or left frantic messages afraid I got kidnapped or something. I pull over to a gas station to fill up, before heading home. Suddenly I spot something peculiar. I squint my eyes and move closer to get a better look. I wish my phone wasn’t dead because from position I see Brooke and Brady together across the way. It would have been the perfect time to call him and see what he’s doing today. When the pump stops, telling me I’ve topped it off and I put it back up. As soon as I turn back around to take another glance at Brooke and Brady, they’re gone. Damn, it was only like two seconds. I pay and then leave for home.

  Once I’m home, I head straight to my room hoping no one notices my late entrance.

  “Well look who made it home. I thought you got lost or just forgot you had a family.” I guess it was too good to be true. I turn around and face my mother in the hall way and smile.

  “Hey ma! How’s it going? Did ya miss me?”

  “Apparently more than you missed me. How was your night with Brooke?”

  “It was great, so fun! I did miss you! My phone was dead all night, sorry I didn’t call today.” She gives me a sweet grin and tucks my hair behind my ear. It reminds me of how Lucas did that too and my heart sinks. I give my mom a quick hug and head for my room. I walk in and set my stuff down on my desk and plop on my bed, exhausted.

  “Hey, it’s the absent sister!” Jesus I can’t catch a break!

  “What do you want?” I ask annoyed and tired.

  “Just want to see how your night went with Brookie pooh, is that a crime?”

  “Well, considering you don’t give a shit usually about my life, yeah, I’ll say it’s a crime or that there’s something you want from me.” She sits down on my bed and I move over to give her more room.

  “Well, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for being a bitch about my getting in trouble. I know you didn’t tell mom about the drugs.” Wow, Sarah apologizing? That’s a change.

  “So Haley told you?”

  “No Chelsea did. She told me she told her parents and they told mom. I’m sorry I blamed you. And I’m sorry about Lucas too. I know I’ve been a real screw up lately Abby. I’ve let you down.” Now I’m in sitting position, totally awake and in tuned to what she’s saying. This isn’t Sarah’s style, and quite frankly, it’s freaking me out, but in a good way. Guilt settles in the pit of my stomach and I want to tell her about Lucas and me so bad. Maybe I was hard on her and should have been supportive instead of bitchy.

  “Look, I’m going to move in with dad in a couple of weeks and I will be out of your hair and mom won’t have to worry about me getting to trouble. I just wanted to tell you I love you and I’m sorry.” At that my eyes go wide and rage builds inside of me. That’s her solution to this problem? Moving in with our dad, the one who left us for someone else? Oh Hell no!

  “Sarah, that’s not the answer! Don’t move in with dad! We can work out our problems together. I know I’ve been hard on you and I’m sorry. But please don’t do this. I will back off and quit being a bitch!” She raises her hand to silence me which infuriates me more.

  “No, Abby you’re right I need guidance. I need someone who’s gonna keep my ass in line so I don’t end up in jail or something. I just want to live with him for awhile and see how it works.”

  “No Sarah, that’s ridiculous! Dad hasn’t been there for us and you want to just leave mom like that? Didn’t you think about her feelings? She’s already been left. Why the Hell are you being so selfish?” I start raising my voice and pace my room.

  “Well it’s not any different than if she sent me to some private school or whatever. I’d be leaving her then. Besides she thinks it’s a good idea.” I stop mid pace and look at her surprised.

  “She does?” Sarah nods her head and I sit back down on the bed, totally in my own zone. She wraps an arm around me and lays her head on my shoulder.

  “It will work out Abby. And we will still see each other at school and I will come and visit you and mom. We still need to figure out what you’re gonna do about your future, where you’re going to go and whatnot.”

  Still in my own zone, not in control of my mouth or what comes out I blurt. “I slept with Lucas.” Sarah gasps for a split second, her eyes are wide and she is clearly in shock.

  “Are you serious?” I nod, unsure why I told her, but glad I did.

  “I’m sorry Sarah, you’re right I still love him. I know it was wrong and I was-“

  “It’s fine Abby, I’m not mad. To be honest I’m relieved it finally happened.”

  “You are?” I am taken aback and a little relieved, myself at her comment.

  “Wait, does that mean my big sister is no longer a fucking virgin?” I laugh and nod with a big grin on my face feeling a huge weight lifted.

  “Yes, I’m finally a big girl.” We both laugh and hug each other.

  “So how was it? Did it hurt? Was he gentle? How many times did y’all do it?” I should have known on
ce I revealed my secret she’d be bombarding me with twenty questions. I slap her on the shoulder playfully.

  “Yeah, I’m not going into detail right now. That convo can be saved for a rainy day. By the way, why are you not mad at me about this?”

  “Are you serious? You really thought I would be mad?” She asks, with a hint of surprise in her voice. I lie back on my bed and prop one knee up and bend my arm behind my head.

  “Well yeah, I mean you liked him.” She shakes her head with a grin. I must be missing something. I raise my brow at her in confusion.

  “Abby, I never liked him that way. I did it because I knew eventually it would get you all riled up enough to go after him. Please, I wouldn’t ever do that to you and mean it. I mean I was jealous and all that but I know you don’t love Brady the way you love Lucas. It’s not possible.” She pauses thinking about it for a minute then continues.

  “Speaking of which, what are you going to do about that?” She lies down next to me and lays one arm over her stomach; we both stare at the ceiling.

  “I don’t really know. I mean I have to tell him. Soon.”

  “Wait, so you weren’t really at Brooke’s house were you?” It took her long enough to figure that out.

  “No I wasn’t.” We’re both silent for awhile and I start to think she fell asleep but then she sighs loudly and shakes her head.

  “So does Brooke know?”

  “Nope. No one does. I will tell them this week. I really love him Sarah.” She turns on her side and props up on her elbow leaning her head on her hand and, looking at me.

  “I know you do. He was always better for you. When we were all younger, I always thought you two would end up together when we got older. You just fit so well like a puzzle.” I laugh a little and then lay on my side looking at her.

  “Thank you Sarah. I’m glad I shared this with you. It was eating me up inside. And to answer one of your questions, it was amazing! And he was very gentle.”

  “That’s two questions. But who’s counting?” We laugh again and I reach over and give her a hug.